When I talk to her all I can think of is how she is the epitome of a Real Cougar.That she is independent and sexy and fabulous, but just as important is her devotion to giving back—or paying it forward, really. And yet when I ask her what she’s most proud of, she quietly says, “I don’t think I’ve done whatever I’m most proud of yet." Never married, but a loving Auntie to a host of nieces and nephews, this Real Cougar shares with me why she’s so at peace; why every time she turns around there’s a young, sexy man wanting to take her out; and what every woman has to finally embrace in order to be happy.
By all accounts, you’re a Real Cougar.You’re independent, beautiful and smart.How do you define what a Real Cougars is?
Well, I think it’s all of those things you mentioned, but I also think that people see us as attracting younger men. And for whatever reasons, that’s definitely been true with me lately. I don’t know if they’re looking for a serious relationship, but I know they’re approaching me and telling me that they think I’m attractive. I’m 48 and I’m talking about guys in their 30s asking me out.
Why do you think that is?
I couldn’t say for sure, but I do know that I have a lot of energy so there are a bunch of things we can do together. But I think that probably the real thing is that I am so much more self-confident now than I was when I was younger.I don’t have the career issues I did as a young woman.My body is better and stronger, and most of all I’m not so needy!I don’t have fears like I used to.I’m wiser now.I’m more centered.
And that’s very sexy.
I think so.No one wants someone who is emotionally all over the place or can’t take care of herself.We all want to be around people who are secure and centered.I remember a guy who was younger saying that what he found attractive about me was my strength and poise.That was really nice.
What is strength to you?
Self-love.
And you’ve always had that?
No.To get to where I am now, I had to do a lot of work.Not just therapy, but really going inside and peeling and peeling until I got to the core of myself.It took years.It was a really long process.
What’s your daily routine now?How do you keep yourself strong and in spiritual balance?
I meditate nearly everyday and do some chi gong. I workout as much as time allows—between three and six times a week. I stay away from eating a lot of sugar and I practice portion control.One thing I no longer do is diet.My attitude around food has changed. I’m comfortable around it because I know that there will always be more. I can stop at eating two cookies because they will be there tomorrow too. I don’t have a deprivation mentality anymore.That helps.
And relationships?Do they contribute to your well sense of peace?
Absolutely.I have a lot of love in my life.I have long term friendships, even with old boyfriends.I’ve never been married but now I’m thinking about it.I’ve always been a late-bloomer.As a young woman I didn’t want to be married at all.But now that I’ve…sowed my wild oats…[laughs]…I think it might be nice.
What would you want women over 40 to know or to do to keep themselves healthy and happy?
There are some things that I just believe.I have a green drink every morning.Exercise is essential, as are vitamins.But you know what?As women, we need to embrace our own sexuality.We are sexual beings and we should enjoy it.We should masturbate more, or do whatever it is that gives us pleasure.And whatever it is that does, what we need to know finally, is that we are enough.For so long we’ve worried we were too fat or not pretty enough and it’s not true.We are enough.That’s what I want women to know most of all.
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